Crohn's Disease VS Living Life

To begin with let me introduce myself. My name is Michelle and I am 24 years old now. I have only been diagnosed a little over a year and I must say things seem to go from bad to good then make a 90 degree U-turn all over again. I am writing this in hopes of helping others by simply telling my story thus far. Some of you might find this useless but I really hope you all can find it as a way of relating to me and to each other. For so long I felt all alone and just wished that I could find someone who understood what this was like not just more facts. Facts are everywhere, but this is not only fact but my way of saying, I understand and if anyone wishes to contact me as a friend then let me know. I am sure anyone who is here or will eventually be here either has Crohns or knows someone who does. I must say, it’s not a fun thing to live with.
I began getting sick when I was 15 and in high school. That to me was when everything I thought I knew about my life began to change. We all go to a doctor in hopes of finding an answer or a simple cure, what I got was usually an anti-depressant or some other “brain numbing” pill and a Dr that would say I was just trying to skip school. I suppose I “picked” an unlucky time to become sick because that is back when all the “depression hurts” signs and such started to come out. Somewhere between never holding down food and having unexplained aches and pains, I got diagnosed as a “typical teenage girl”. After almost a year of fighting through school I finally dropped out, not the best thing to do and most defiantly not something I am proud of but at least the Dr couldn’t tell me I was trying to skip anymore! (I will however add that I did get my GED and got a VERY high score on it :) ) The next couple years that followed still didn’t gain me much ground in the way of convincing a Dr that I did have a serious physical illness; simple put I think I know every anti-depressant, anti-stress, anti-anxiety, etc pill out there now due to Drs that didn’t want to take me seriously.

It was when I was 22 I finally decided something had to change or I’d never be able to live a normal life. I woke up out of a dead sleep with unbelievable pain in my right side. I’ll never forget that night for as long as I live! I was in tears and it wasn’t just the pain. That night I laid there thinking about all the stupid pills I had been on and my Dr’s favorite phrase “your cup is only half full, you won’t get better until we fill it completely”. As soon as I knew the office was open, I called in and set up another appointment. If you don’t already have a good clue to what I got that time, then let me tell you… a new “mind numbing” pill. As desperate as I was for relief I told myself, maybe the Dr is right, maybe I am just crazy or depressed or something, so I, once again, took the pills. After about a month of these new pills and waking up in the middle of the night in horrible pain I guess you could say this is where I had my first true breakdown. I woke up like before, the pain and frustration was so bad I thought for a moment I was seriously going insane! I knew if it was going to kill me like appendicitis then I should have been dead by then so all I could do was cry…and scream… and yes I admit it I even thru a few things that night. I knew going to the ER would be pointless seeing as they knew me by name at that point in time. So once again I called first thing in the morning to my Dr’s office.
This is where my story begins to take a turn for the better. I went in to see him that day. As always he was sitting there telling me that my blood tests had always been for the most part normal, a little high here or there but nothing too outrageous. He then starts talking about that stupid cup and how full it was… I guess I lost all control over my temper and well, I just started telling him every little pain I had, how I woke up in the night out of a dead sleep, how no matter what I ate made me sick, and how lately during the day the pain in my right side had become a daily issue I had to live with. I called him everything in the book and even told him that his cup was about to become little pieces shattered on the floor if he didn’t wake up and take me seriously. I think I actually scared him because up until this point I had just sat back and took his advice no matter how much what he said got to me. He just sat there for a few moments and looked really shocked, then you could actually see the little light bulb go off above his head like in a cartoon. For the first time in my life, I heard the words “you have Crohn’s disease”! Then it was my turn to look shocked and after all I went through I had to ask… “What kind of brain disorder is that?” He then laughed and explained to me what it really was and what test’s I would have to go through to get a true diagnosis. It took a total of 7 months for the G.I. Dr to finally accept it was Crohns and get me to the proper tests. Yes, if we haven’t concluded yet, the Dr’s we have around here are not the best at jumping into anything. So for 7 months I got put on heartburn pills and other upset stomach pills. Finally the big day came though, as I was prepped for the colonoscopy I was scared of what it might or might not show. After all these years of wondering what was making me sick, I couldn’t help but wonder if I really was crazy and maybe it was all in my head.

When I finally woke up, I simple asked the G.I. Dr if it was indeed Crohn’s and he simple replied yes. After having to fight with him for 7 months to get to that part all I wanted to do was get to the treatment process and start forming a normal life. I couldn’t help but notice a slight look of regret on his face also, guess it finally hit him that for 7 months he had in some form tortured me himself.
That was all done in February of 2008, a little over a year ago. I now sit here wondering what is next in my future. The medicine I am now on is well… better than nothing but not the best. The medicine that worked the best is far too expensive and well not for long term usage. I am now seeing a new family Dr that is giving 100% at trying to help me out. Since being diagnosed, I have went through 3 family Dr’s. The one who first told me about Crohns left the office, the other one I just recently got rid of. If anyone here has been on Prednisone or anything like it then we all know it is something you can’t just stop taking and it took her 3 weeks to refill it…. Anything you have heard about adrenal shock is very true! After that I knew I had to get a new Dr AGAIN. I am due to get another colonoscopy soon and must say once again I am worried, I know that with all the pain I am still having that nothing good can be shown. I still have not been able to return to work full time so needless to say this is trying to control my life. I try to push on though, one day at a time. It is hard to open up to people I care about the most. When they ask me “what’s wrong” or “are you ok” sometimes I just feel like screaming or giving them a really sarcastic answer. The up’s and down’s are normal I guess.

Now that I have told my story, I want to add a few things. Crohns can only control you if you don’t fight for control. Fight the Dr’s and fight the depression. Fight the anger and fight the confusion. Make yourself get lost in something you enjoy. You don’t have to go climb a mountain if you don’t want to leave the house. Play an online game or work a puzzle. There is always something out there to make yourself feel better, you just have to find it. I will be working on this blog more and more and hope to add a few links and ideas to this category simply because there are so many ways of making a person feel better. Laughter really is the best medicine out there so I hope everyone comes back and checks this again. I’m not here to give you facts as I said above, I just hope to help someone out there because by coming together we might all feel better physically and emotionally!